barry_lizzard_offbeatinkI had to chuckle. These two stories in the news last month each in its own way exemplifies why some people should, or just should not, have a tattoo.

The first story takes place in Sweden. It stated that Swedish cops were on the lookout for five girls for assaulting a man on a bicycle… Yes. I did a double take too.

What happened was that these five amazons purportedly dragged the hapless 50 year old off his bicycle, pulled down his trousers and ‘smalls’ and proceeded to sexually molest him.
All this happened on 8 July in the town of Örebro, central Sweden. The local paper reported that one of the gang - described as 5′ 7″ tall and with “tattoos on her forearms” - grabbed the victim’s bike rack and pulled him to the ground. Having done the dirty deed, the girls then made off into the sunset. It is importantly noted in the report that the victim was neither ”beaten or physically assaulted”.

Stating the bleeding obvious, a police spokeswoman described the attack as “downright unusual” while asking the public to report any similar incidences in the past.

The second story took place in the English town of Hartlepool. This story also made me chuckle. A man appeared in court accused of flashing his penis at a female train guard. He was acquitted on the basis of a tattoo. Did I say chuckle? I meant howl…

Hartlepool magistrates’ court heard at length the details of how Mr Barry Kenny, 28, of Hartlepool was drunk on a train from Newcastle to Hartlepool and lewdly exposed himself to a train guard of the gentler sex. Unfortunately, though, the woman neglected to mention the ‘distinguishing mark’ on his little man. Unfortunately for her, our Barry has a two inch long lizard tattoo running along his penis.

Actually, what really happened was that Mr Kenny told the court his tattoo was seven inches long and had to alter his story somewhat when he was challenged and reminded he was still under oath. His solicitor managed to get the charges dropped, but only after Barry offered to show the court his evidence.